


Spider-Crew Groupchat

by doesaugustisgay



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Comedy, Confused Old Man Noir, Gen, Noir is "straight", T for language and some crude humour, We'll see abt the future idk, chatfic, dont think about it too hard, interdimensional groupchat, just a good time, no shipping for now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-12 21:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17475566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doesaugustisgay/pseuds/doesaugustisgay
Summary: Peter: how is Noir going to be part of this isn't he from the victorian era or somethingGwen: he's from the 30s, peter, that's the great depressionPeter: i have a great depression too





	1. Into The Spider-Chat

**Author's Note:**

> me: i should update one my existing chatfics!  
> me: [makes a new one a whim]  
> me: ...or i can do this too i guess!!  
> I've seen Spiderverse like three times and i've been thinking abt this for a while ethsdg i hope you guys like it!!

[Peni] added [Miles], [Peter], [Gwen], [Porker] and [Noir] to [Spider-Crew!!]

Peni: finally got it set up!! hey guys!

Miles: hey!!

Gwen: alright sweet

Gwen: who knew interdimensional communication could be set up like this huh

Porker: I'm impressed!

Peter: how is Noir going to be part of this isn't he from the victorian era or something

Gwen: he's from the 30s, peter, that's the great depression

Peter: i have a great depression too

Peni: I managed to get him a communicator, he should be able to send messages 

Miles: _@Noir_ you there??

Noir: H

Peni: ...he'll get used to it

[Peter] set their nickname to [OG Spider]

OG Spider: thought my name could be a little cooler

[Miles] set [Peter]'s nickname to [Spider-Dad]

Miles: more accurate

Spider-Dad: ill let it stand

[Gwen] set their nickname to [Cool Spider]

[Peni] set their nickname to [Cutest Spider]

[Porker] set [Miles]'s nickname to [Actually Cutest Spider]

Actually Cutest Spider: what

Porker: what?

Porker: you're sort of adorable

Actually Cutest Spider: I am not!

Porker: everyone who thinks Miles is adorable say ay

Cool Spider: ay

Spider-Dad: ay

Cutest Spider: ay

Noir: A

Noir: y

Spider-Dad: votes unanimous, kiddo, you're adorable

Actually Cutest Spider: I do not accept the results of this election

[Actually Cutest Spider] set their nickname to [Miles]

Miles: none of you better change it back i will fight you

Porker: you can run all you want Morales, you'll never be able to escape what's inside you

Miles: what the fuck

[Cool Spider] set [Porker]'s nickname to [weirdly ominous]

 

Noir: I think I'm getting used to this

Cutest Spider: that's great!!

Cutest Spider: is texting hard?

Noir: My dear only life is hard

[Spider-Dad] set [Noir]'s nickname to [Grandpa]

Grandpa: Why

Spider-Dad: if I have to be dad you can be grandpa

Grandpa: But I'm only 23

Spider-Dad: wtf why are you so young

Grandpa: Because I was born in 1910

Miles: if you were alive in the same time as the rest of us you'd be

Miles: uhh 108?

Cutest Spider: so, grandpa it is

Cool Spider: more like great-grandpa tbh, i mean my granddad was born after World War 2

Grandpa: There's going to be a second world war?

Miles: oh jeez uh, yeah 1939-1945

Grandpa: shit

Grandpa: I need a fuckin smoke..

Spider-Dad: you shouldn't smoke

Spider-Dad: stuffll kill you

Grandpa: what

Cool Spider: smoking causes cancer

Miles: it'll ruin your lungs

Grandpa: But I've been smoking since I was 13

Cool Spider: that's bad, Noir, you should try to quit

Grandpa: Next you guys are going to tell me that, I don't know, opium is bad too

Spider-Dad: … yeah bad news

Grandpa: You got any good news about the future??

Miles: uhh we've got cars that drive themselves

Cool Spider: movies have gotten way better in the last 80 years

Cutest Spider: yeah! They're ALL in color and they look amazing

Cool Spider: the wizard of oz comes out in ‘39, you're gonna love it

weirdly ominous: it's cool to be gay now

Grandpa: when was it ever not “cool” to be happy?

weirdly ominous: you've got a lot to learn, buddy


	2. Noir Is (not) A Furry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy McShit thank you all for your kind words about chapter one !! I didn't think this silly fic would get so much attention so quickly ;; it encouraged me to write the next chapter though and I hope you guys like this one too!

weirdly ominous: hey _@Grandpa_ do u have a girlfriend

Cool Spider: someone’s being really forward

Grandpa: I don’t?

Spider-Dad: porker? hey? porker? are you flirting with noir??

weirdly ominous: no he isn’t my type, i just wanted to know what dating is like in the ancient times

Grandpa: That's good because you aren't exactly my type either.

weirdly ominous: damn why not?

Grandpa: For starters you're a man

Cutest Spider: oh yeah for a second I forgot that not everyone is gay

Cutest Spider: I was almost like, “why would that be a dealbreaker??”

Spider-Dad: thank god though, the thought that they were flirting gave me

Spider-Dad: horrible mental images

Miles: yeah how would… that… work??

Miles: wouldn't uh

Miles: wouldn't noir be, y'know, too… big?

weirdly ominous: implying I wouldn't be the top

Cool Spider: die

Cutest Spider: thanks! i hate it!

Spider-Dad: I… okay we don't have time to unpack that

Miles: im changing the topic right now immediately

Miles: _@Grandpa_ hey why is him being male more of a turn off than him being a pig

Cutest Spider: Noir are you a furry?

Cool Spider: the rumor come out

Cool Spider: does spider-man noir is furry? 

Grandpa: I don't even know what that means

Miles: ...oh man how do you even explain furries to someone from 80 years ago

Spider-Dad: furries can refer to anthropomorphic cartoon animals like Mickey and Minnie Mouse

Spider-Dad: can also refer to people who are into those cartoon animals, like people who want to fuck Mickey and Minnie Mouse

Cool Spider: that's pretty close yeah

Grandpa: I don't want to fuck Minnie Mouse

weirdly ominous: what about Mickey

Grandpa: No!!

Grandpa: I’m not a homosexual or a “furry”

Grandpa: Not that I think there's anything wrong with being homosexual but I'm not

Cutest Spider: “gay rights!” -Noir

Cool Spider: hmm, sounds like something a homosexual furry would say

Miles: can't believe Noir is a furry

[Cutest Spider] set [Grandpa]'s nickname to [Grandad Fursuit]

Grandad Fursuit: Why are you all like this

Spider-Dad: they're teenagers, and 13 year olds are the meanest people in the world

Cutest Spider: I'm actually 14

Cool Spider: yeah so am I 

Miles: wait Peni is older than me?? What?? I thought you were like 10

Cutest Spider: y'know, I get that a lot

[Grandad Fursuit] set their nickname to [Grandpa]

Cutest Spider: really though we were just messing with you, Noir

Cutest Spider: you know we love you ❤️

weirdly ominous: and we also know you should never pressure your loved ones to come out, let them figure that shit out on their own,

Grandpa: I love you all too

Grandpa: Except for you, Porker

weirdly ominous: aw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alt Chapter Title: "testing the waters of how many John Mulaney references I can make"  
> To be honest I was deeply considering adding Hamnoir to this fic but I decided against going all out with it at least  
> (And yea I am fully aware that furries aren't just a fetish but it's funnier that way)


End file.
